The Intricate Link Between Shame and Eating Disorders
by Emily Costa
First Things First: What is Shame?
Shame is a complex emotion often characterized by a sense of worthlessness, self-doubt, and inadequacy. It's more than just feeling embarrassed or guilty about a specific action; it's a profound feeling that one is fundamentally flawed or inadequate as a person. Importantly, shame tends to be internalized, leading individuals to harshly judge themselves and potentially develop harmful behaviors as a means to cope with these intense feelings.
Shame vs Guilt: What's the Difference?
While both shame and guilt are intense emotions linked with self-perception, their implications differ significantly. On the one hand, guilt is a response to an action or behavior one deems wrong. It's associated with a specific event and can often lead to constructive change, as the individual recognizes the mistake and seeks to rectify it. On the other hand, shame is not necessarily tied to a particular action.
How Does Shame Potentially Lead to Disordered Eating Behaviors?
In the context of disordered eating, shame can indeed be a powerful force that fuels harmful patterns and hinders recovery. Individuals struggling with eating disorders often harbor immense shame about their eating habits, body image, and perceived loss of control. This shame can lead to a vicious cycle where disordered eating is used as a coping mechanism to manage these intense feelings of self-reproach and inadequacy. The more the individual engages in these behaviors, the stronger the feelings of shame become, further entrenching the cycle.
How Does Shame Become a Barrier to Recovery?
Shame can act as a significant obstacle to recovery from eating disorders. It does this in several ways. Firstly, shame often leads to secrecy and isolation. Individuals may feel too embarrassed or uneasy to disclose their struggles, preventing them from seeking much-needed support and treatment. Secondly, shame can feed into a negative self-image and reinforce the belief that one doesn't deserve help or recovery. This self-devaluation can discourage individuals from engaging in treatment or adopting healthier coping mechanisms. Lastly, feelings of shame can exacerbate stress, anxiety, and depression, which can impede the recovery process and even potentially lead to relapses.
Examples of Shame in the Eating Disorder Struggle
Anorexia in Teenagers: 15-year-old Hannah is a high-performing student and athlete. However, she has begun to restrict her food intake drastically, driven by a fear of gaining weight. Despite her diminishing health, she feels a perverse sense of achievement and control. When her friends or family express concern, she feels angry and does not want anyone focusing on her body or weight. She continues to want to lose weight and control her intake to cope with these feelings, further driving her into the cycle of anorexia.
Bulimia in Young Adults: Jake, a 22-year-old college student, struggles with bulimia. He regularly binges on large amounts of food, only to purge it later. Jake feels extreme shame and embarrassment about his eating habits, making him isolated from his friends and family. He also feels that eating disorders are a female issue, and feels discomfort admitting he is engaging in these behaviors. His shame prevents him from seeking help, leading him to struggle in silence.
Binge Eating Disorder in Mid-Adults: Lucy, a 35-year-old working mother, faces immense stress and turns to food as a coping mechanism. She often binge-eats late in the night when her family is asleep. Overwhelmed by feelings of shame for her lack of control, she keeps her struggles a secret, which only further fuels her binge eating behaviors.
Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder in Young Children: 8-year-old Sam has a very selective diet and avoids many food textures due to struggling with ARFID. His parents are worried but struggle to understand his behavior. At birthday parties, Sam refuses to eat the same foods as his friends, which leads to teasing. This increases his sense of shame and isolates him further, exacerbating his fear of food.
Orthorexia in Older Adults: 60-year-old Diane is obsessed with eating 'clean' and 'healthy.' She spends hours reading about nutrition and meticulously planning her meals. Her rigid diet isolates her from social gatherings, causing feelings of loneliness and shame. However, she interprets this shame as a commitment to health, further fueling her obsession.
Overcoming Shame: A Crucial Step in Recovery
Overcoming shame is a pivotal step towards recovery from eating disorders. It involves deconstructing harmful thought patterns, rebuilding self-esteem, and fostering a healthier relationship with oneself. The process of overcoming shame can be facilitated through therapy or treatment programs, where individuals are provided a safe space to express their feelings of shame and learn strategies to counteract them.
In therapy, trained professionals help individuals identify and address the sources of their shame, often through techniques such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). These therapeutic approaches aim to alter harmful thought patterns and promote healthier coping mechanisms, thus reducing feelings of shame and promoting recovery.
Treatment programs often incorporate group therapy sessions, where individuals can share their experiences with others facing similar struggles. This communal setting helps reduce feelings of isolation and fosters a sense of understanding and camaraderie, mitigating the power of shame.
Overcoming shame is a journey. It requires patience, persistence, and compassion towards oneself. But with the right support and strategies, it's entirely possible to dismantle the shackles of shame and embark on the path to recovery.
Five Steps to Overcoming Shame
Acknowledge Your Shame: Acknowledging shame is the first crucial step in overcoming it. It might be uncomfortable, but it's necessary. Once acknowledged, it becomes easier to understand the source of shame, and its influence on your thoughts and actions. Remember, experiencing shame doesn't reflect your worth or define you. It's, instead, a feeling you're grappling with. Through this process of self-reflection and acknowledgment, you can begin to diminish the power of shame and take steps towards healing and recovery.
Identify Your Triggers: Identifying your triggers is a vital step in overcoming shame and promoting recovery. Keeping a daily mood diary or writing reflective entries in a journal can help you recognize specific situations, thoughts, or behaviors that intensify feelings of shame. Take note of what happened, how you reacted, and how you felt before, during, and after the incident. Sharing these insights with your treatment team provides them with crucial information that can further tailor your therapy and equip you with effective coping strategies.
Practice Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion is a vital step in overcoming feelings of shame and promoting recovery. It involves recognizing your own suffering, extending kindness to yourself, and acknowledging that everyone experiences hardship. By treating yourself with the same empathy and understanding that you would show to a friend, you can mitigate self-critical thoughts and lessen feelings of shame. Self-compassion allows you to see your perceived shortcomings not as failures, but as part of the shared human experience. Incorporating self-compassion into your daily routine can help foster a positive self-image, resilience, and emotional well-being, paving the way for recovery.
Challenge and Replace Shameful Thoughts: Brene Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and shame, emphasizes the importance of challenging and replacing shameful thoughts. According to her, shame cannot survive being spoken. By expressing your feelings and challenging your thoughts, you can replace shame with self-compassion and acceptance.
Seek Support: Don't bear the burden of shame alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or your eating disorder treatment team. An external perspective can help you see your situation more clearly.
Remember You Are Not Alone: Keep in mind that you're not the only person grappling with feelings of shame. Millions of people worldwide face the same struggles. Realizing that others are dealing with similar feelings can provide comfort, reduce feelings of isolation, and foster a shared sense of understanding and resilience.
The Power of Collective Healing
At 'Ai Pono, the power of connection and community is at the heart of our eating disorder treatment programs.
We believe that healing thrives on a foundation of shared support, empowerment, and encouragement from all involved. Consequently, every patient's recovery plan includes plentiful opportunities to form meaningful bonds with others. From group therapy sessions and communal meals and weekly meetings for program alumni, connection and relationship-building are integral parts of our approach.
Recovering from an eating disorder becomes a reality with the support of others. 'Ai Pono is committed to assisting you in overcoming your shame and embarking on the journey to healing.
Learn more about our programs today or reach out to our Admissions team to learn more.
Emily Costa
Having struggled with an eating disorder herself, Emily is passionate about spreading awareness, education and the possibility of recovery with others. Emily previously volunteered as a Crisis Text Line counselor and with the eating disorder non-profit Project HEAL where she served as their blog manager, their NYC Chapter Leader & a recovery mentor in their Communities of HEALing pilot program completing training by the Carolyn Costin Institute. Emily now enjoys working with various treatment centers, clinicians and non-profits in the eating disorder community providing marketing and design services. In her free time she enjoys spending time with friends, hanging with her dogs, and reading a book at the beach.